I'm so tired of staring at the wall
But I know I got to put you down
And I keep trying to make sense of it all
But I can't keep going around and around
And you know me well; you know me better than this
And I can't be sure if you're something I'd miss

'Cause I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before

I keep finding a little piece of me
Every time we disagree
And your words float like dandelions every other way
I can't keep listening to what you say

'Cause I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before
And I take everything I can
And I'll throw it out the door

Yeah, I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before
And I take everything I can
But I've heard it all before

Before you tell me things like you miss me, think twice because I've heard it all before...

Love,
Diyana

It makes me afraid to think about it but I think I might be suffering from Cyclothymia.

"This behavior pattern is manifested by recurring and alternating periods of depression and elation. Periods of elation may be marked by ambition, warmth, enthusiasm, optimism, and high energy. Periods of depression may be marked by worry, pessimism, low energy, and a sense of futility. These mood variations are not readily attributable to external circumstances. If possible, the diagnosis should specify whether the mood is characteristically depressed, hypomanic, or alternating."

This statement makes everything seem so clear now. It's as if there is an answer to everything that I've ever felt for the past few years. But, I'm not insane.............. Sigh.

Yours truly,
Diyana

Maybe I'm just tired or probably, it's not my time yet. Regardless of that, relationships are still a touchy subject for me. I'd often feel bitter whenever I see couples so deeply in love, as if the world didn't even matter. I would feel that way because I know one day, they will end up fighting and cursing each other once a drama breaks loose. Sometimes, I'd feel disheartened when I see a pair quarreling in public, as if they were the only ones there. Call it trials and tribulations? Maybe they just don't deserve each other and maybe, just maybe, there will be somebody better. Could it be that most of us are bipolar when it comes to love?

When we're in love, we may forget about reality. We indulge in the fire and breathe the passion it exhales. In time, the level of complacency increases and that is when some of us start to push our boundaries. Call it a marriage or a fling, we would see that there is no point to linger when there is no more flame in the relationship. For a while, we might try rubbing stones together in the hope of producing sparks. Nevertheless, the effort and time it takes would sometimes tire us. Leaving would seem as the easiest way out, right? Of course it is.

I'd say:

Don't teach a cynic on how to love as the only thing she would say is that she has had enough.

Yours truly,
Diyana

You lead me down to a rapturing edge,
Almost falling under your bewitching spell,
Your passion resembled a golden egg that never hatched,
A promise of heaven ending with an affair alongside hell,
Ghostly whispers haunted my dreams each night,
Locked inside a cell overlooking the azure sky so bright,
Stuck in a tiny space behind the cages of your ribs,
My foolish heart is a prisoner of love and lies,

I have a confession. There is a drug that has brought me down on my knees. I declare that I am an unswervingly committed addict. This psychological dependence has turned me into a living disaster. I have been an emotional wreck and a plight to my loved ones since the day of seperation. Though I have been going through rehab for months, withdrawal systems still persisted. Episodes of mania interjected brief moments of silence. The first few weeks were the hardest. I was left in shock, delusional. Worst of all, I was in denial. Every single night, I prayed that tomorrow would be all right. Hoping the days that have passed were just bad dreams. Everyone suffers from nightmares, right? Of course they do.

When everyone was about to give up on me, I unwillingly put myself on medication. It was good in a way to feel numb in a sense that I can distract myself with this new prescription. It made me believe that I could have a fresh start in life. Never would that think that it would cause yet another problem.

I experienced cold turkey. I knew that I needed inclining doses of the medication. The numbing effect was wearing off. Later I found out, they became useless. It's like a placebo that could no longer deceive a patient's mind. The distance was tearing me apart. Now, I'm torn into two seperate pieces. The longing for a future that I am afraid of and a past that I couldn't dismiss.

Not yet again, I am left without any amount of relief or distraction. Forget the medication, my mind is still settled on the initial substance. Day in and day out, it used to be my saviour. It made me forget all the difficult moments in life, even for a an hour or two. It had its arms over me, like a shield protecting me against everything cruel. Most importantly, it made me walk on air as euphoria swam through my veins. For the first time in my life, I felt complete. Having this particular drug with me was all that I needed. Receiving daily doses was all that I knew.

And this drug that I've been writing about is you.

Love,
Diyana

Mc Donalds in Singapore has released the Mega Burgers.

Double Big Mac and Double Mc Spicy.

Let's welcome a FATTER NATION.

YUMMY.

Yours truly,
Diyana

It's difficult to believe that it's already November.

Time really waits for no man.

Love,
Diyana